Heather

The Tiniest of my little angels at birth. She was only 6 lbs 12 oz. She had no butt. It was hard to hold her. Yet, she has the biggest personality of all. She started with a bang! Aaneqa had been this perfect little baby, sleeping for hours and hours at a time right from the start. Heather, well. She was different. She could not be put down for the first 12 weeks of her life. She would fall asleep, completely asleep, and I would try to lay her down. She would either immediately or within 10 minutes begin to scream until I held her. It was pretty rough to deal with. For a child who is only "almost" 6, this first 12 weeks was simply a harbinger of things to come. She actually was a fairly calm baby after those first few weeks. I think it was a calm before a storm really.

Most of the rest of her first year was spent quietly contemplating her own reflection. She was happiest staring into a mirror or looking at a cat. She didn't emote a great deal, just sat there. She also didn't speak. Around 18 months I became quite concerned about her lack of verbal expressiveness and so I had her start speech therapy. At that time, her speech therapy was a 2X a week class in Bowling Green. The first class, she rode a bus. She was this tiny little one year old getting onto a regular sized bus. (I was pretty pregnant with Rhys) I became hysterical and called up my little sister to cry into her ear about how horrible I felt putting my baby onto a bus. She was this tiny little one who could not express herself and how could she know at one why Mommy was putting her onto a bus to go away for a few hours? She came back fine and I felt better. My sister however had some conversations with my OTHER sisters and my Mom. They decided they were NOT comfortable with her riding a bus and so they had Mom come up every week TWO TIMES to take my little baby to speech therapy. That was the beginning of "the end". Mom and Heather have been inseparable ever since. :) Their relationship is amazing.

Around age 3 or so, (maybe sooner) Heather began exhibiting some odd behaviors; strange facial expressions, really peculiar noises that didn't fit the situation, the need to be stimulated physically in ways that seemed odd, aversion to "tight' or rough clothing, strong aversion to most foods. I started having some conversations with my pediatrician about these things and she referred me to different people. The farthest I got at that time was "possible ADHD, possible ODD." The dr suggested a counselor. I took her to a counselor and this woman was delightful, A sweet lady. The issue I had was she clearly was accustomed to dealing with older children. She had no idea what to do with my little silly Heather. One piece of knowledge I gained from this experience was; Heather is AMAZING when she is one on one with an adult. She thrives when in a strictly structured environment where she is the sole beneficiary of attention from the adult.

Her peculiarities became more pronounced in certain areas. She couldn't tolerate loud sounds, socks with seams had to be put on a special way and she wouldn't keep them on regardless, she did (and does) things that seem to be designed to deliberately annoy her sister (not the usual I'm bugging you kind of stuff, far more persistent and pernicious) I just, I found that I cannot handle her. For me, while I cannot handle a lot in life, I can generally handle little kids, I know what their developmental milestones should be and I know a lot about how kids should be behaving in general. There has always just been a special "edge" to what she does. She would be petting a cat and getting right in it's face. I would sit WITH her and show her how to pet the kitty in a nice way. She could NOT do it.

Shortly before she turned 4 she developed night terrors or well, I honestly do not know. It began immediately following Christmas break from school. She stopped being able to sleep in her own room. She and her sister had been in their room for a year almost on bunk beds. They were so easy to put to sleep. I would pray with them each individually and then leave the room closing the door. End of story. It was so awesome. Suddenly, and without warning, it was over. Heather would NOT sleep in her own room. I could talk to her nicely, I could scream at her. I could lock her outside a door and let HER scream. Nothing worked. It was a super painful process. I had just finished getting my Rhys back to sleeping in HIS room. I had done what I had read. Every time he got up I would simply take him back to his bed. No talking, no kissing or hugging, no extra anything, just take him and put him back to bed as many times as it took. It took between 2-3 months, but he was doing awesome. I was happy to be sleeping again. Oh, and I was newly pregnant. Well. Shazaam, Momma didn't get to sleep any more. After several months of working on it extremely hard, I finally got her to fall asleep in her OWN bed. I would read several specific books to her and stay in the room talking to her sister until Heather was asleep. Then I could leave the room. She wasnt allowed to come down until we turned off our lights and were going to sleep. At that point she would come sleep on the floor beside my bed. This has evolved again.. Don has been building a wall in the girls room for about 7 months now to give them each their own room. They've been on the couch that whole time and doing really well staying there. It's not 100% ideal, but it's been working.

Back to her other issues. My Pediatrician grudgingly prescribed different meds to help with her sleep and/or mood. None of them had the desired or frankly any good effect. The Adderall made her awful. She referred us to a psychiatrist who has tried several meds. Now. I am not 100% on board with medicine for someone this little, but when all the behavior modification and other methods we have put so much effort into have had little to no effect well, we had to try something. Thus far, no med or therapy or change on our part has had a positive on her behavior.

Her main saving grace is that she and my Mom are very best buddies and spend as much time together as possible. I love and miss my little girl when she is gone, but frankly, they do really well together. Heather deserves to be in an environment where she is happy and thriving. My Mom loves her and they have an awesome time together. And frankly, they don't get to be together as often as any of us would like.

My eldest cannot stand her sister the majority of the time. Heck, I have considered that 1/2 of Heather's issues are related to how her sister TREATS her. She will be humming, or making odd sounds or tapping and Aaneqa will go completely BALLISTIC. Car rides have been and continue to be absolute nightmares at this point. One time when Heather was about 3.. or 4, we were on a car ride and Aaneqa was so upset about the noises Heather was making she began KICKING Heather's car seat where Heather's head is.

I just. I don't know how to handle this. I stopped the car, Pretty sure I pulled Aaneqa out and beat her butt. I can't do that every trip. No matter what you say it doesn't get better when I stop the car and beat their butts. They do NOT stop their behavior. I do not ALLOW them to behave this way, although after a certain point I have to just stop paying constant attention to their behavior and just focus on other things instead. Other children, housework, homework, attempting to simply breathe.

Anyway..... I finally got Heather in to a counselor who said she has high functioning Autism. I took her to another lady in the same organization who threw a fit because "we cannot diagnose here". I admit that threw me for a rather large loop, but I followed this other lady's suggestions and got Heather in for testing at the Center for Excellence in Autism in Toledo. They gave her an official diagnoses of Autism PDD-NOS. (high functioning autism basically) I am planning to get her in to see a Developmental Pediatrician who is more local, but her waiting list is into December (and it's July now) So I am sure it'll be a long wait to see her. I am praying that she will be able to help us in some way because the psych keeps throwing different meds at my child without even knowing anything about her. He once said he would be SHOCKED if she has Autism. Well doc.. guess what?? I mean, I get it, it's not his area of expertise, but couldn't he have simply refused to treat her or told me it wasn't his area?

Aside from all that, Let me tell you about Heather.

She is an incredibly beautiful little princess. She says the funniest things. She will make you laugh all day long. She loves to hug and snuggle. She is fun to tickle. She loves to give to others. She loves to sing, She loves her brothers and her sister. She loves family a great deal. She adores animals. She loves to wear skirts, every day! She loves to watch kid tv shows. She loves to take baths with BUBBLES. She is extremely smart and can count to 100 even though she hasn't even started kindergarten. She can read the words exit, boo and zoo. She can spell her first and last names appropriately! Every inch of her is SILLY and precious. How can you help but love this little girl, she loves to help people and will offer to help often.

She'll be 6 soon and starts kindergarten. We'll see where this adventure takes us!!! :)